Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
