I wish I could punch you in the face.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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