you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
