i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
