Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
