If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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