So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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