no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
