Can i not drive my cunt home
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
