Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
