the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
