May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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