alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
