Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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