and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
