So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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