hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
