Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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