Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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