She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
