I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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