Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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