You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
