Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
