So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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