ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
