then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
