My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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