I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
