I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Operation Purity has been aborted
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
