Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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