Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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