Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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