Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
