I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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