They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
