I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
