Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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