You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
