I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
