I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My balls are so social today.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
