You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
