he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
