she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
