I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
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he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize