first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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