1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
