Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
