she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize