it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
