Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
