i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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