so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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