My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
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All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me