my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
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Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.