On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
