First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
