At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
