The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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