can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.