In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
