don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
